Relationship Challenges: Our Romantic Relationships Are Our Mirrors & Help Us Learn Lessons

One of the biggest reasons why we have relationship challenges, arguments, fights & conflicts, is that our romantic relationships mirror back to us our unresolved relational wounds & pain from the past.

We are the most vulnerable and most our true selves in our romantic relationships!

This also includes our wounds, past traumas, negative emotions and parts of ourselves that we have denied or are judging.

So all of that will come out in our romantic relationships.

All of those pain points, all of those unhealed wounds are being mirrored back by our partner.

Let me explain:

Here’s a metaphor: imagine that you break your leg but you're blind and you cannot see the severity of your wound. The only way you are able to understand how severe your wound is, is when someone who can see, describes the wound.

You might feel the pain of the wound but you still don't know the severity of it.

Now imagine that not only do you not know the severity of the wound, you're also not able to heal it unless you know everything about the wound!

In relationships we are that blind person and we do not see the wounds. The only way we will understand what we need to heal and what we still need to learn or how we can grow is when the other person reflects us back the very things we still need to work on.

If only we could pay attention, stay open and learn from our romantic relationships.

All romantic relationships are amazing catalysts for change! Without the other person mirroring back- there's only so much healing we can do! Because we don’t see the areas we need to work on ourselves! And we can only ever change ourselves- we can't change other people!

The truth is that this pain that comes up during arguments, has always been within us, the other person is simply reflecting it back because they are our mirror.

Most people blame the other person and cannot see themselves clearly in challenging situations.

The reason arguments are so difficult and so challenging is because there are so many emotions and so many wounds and traumas coming up, that we simply cannot handle it.

So instead of looking at ourselves, we find it easier to blame the other person.

And the other person also has their wounds and their traumas and their life experiences that you mirror back to them, so both of you and your partner will be mirroring each other your wounds, traumas and stuck negative emotions and that's why it feels so challenging.

Next time you find yourself in a challenging argument or a conflict or when you're feeling emotionally triggered, I advise you to say to your partner that you are going to take a few moments to be on your own before you come back to the conversation.

Then go to another room or outside for a walk and follow the tips from the

Free Negative Emotions Guide- you can download it by clicking on the guide or


Emotional Healing Guide. Better Relationship with Partner. Relationship Problems and Solutions. How to Get Along with Husband? Relationship Wounds. Relationship Coachings

After the release, ask yourself, what are the lessons that you can take away from this experience & then with the new calmness & learnings- you can return to chat with your partner.


How could have I communicated better?

What did I learn about myself?

What did I learn about my partner?

Are there other perspectives here? What are they?

If I was in their shoes- how would have I reacted to my behaviour & why?

Was I kind to them & myself?

What to change in the future when a similar situation arises?

What skills or tools do I still need to learn?

What should be my focus? What is my truth here?

How could have I opened up more & spoken my truth?

What meanings did I take that probably aren’t true or serving me anymore?

What was the ultimate purpose of this situation/ relationship?

Just a few questions that will help you become a better version of you & create better relationships in the future ❤️

See your past wounds as the real Iceberg and your partner triggering you- the tip of the iceberg.

The more we heal ourselves, the less triggered we get.

Obviously if we choose incompatible partners or people who are abusive or toxic- then we are going to have more things coming up. It can be more to do with the other person, but there's a reason why we chose them in the first place.

We were a match for each other which means that there are parts of us that are similar to them. So we can still look at what we still need to heal within to not attract partners like that.

Example: if someone is constantly disrespecting us- why are we letting them disrespect us? Is it because when we were little, we were treated poorly & people close to us didn’t value us? Then we need to heal the core wound & understand that we are worthy of amazing treatment- so that we can expect better treatment from our partners too.


When we have conflicts it can mean that there are a lot of unhealed past wounds we haven’t healed yet and when we do that work and we heal, we get less and less triggered and our relationships become better and better.

Both partners ultimately need to do this healing work separately and together.

This is an important way the relationship can grow closer & become better.

Relationship Advice, Conflicts, Arguments and Fights. Relationship Problems and Solutions. Why do we argue all the time? How to have a better relationship with partner?

If you want to work on yourself, learn to love, value & accept yourself, heal past wounds, traumas & release negative emotions & get clear on what you want in life then book a complimentary session with me by clicking on the photo or here:

I also have availability for couples coaching.

Let’s just have a chat and see where you are, I can offer some solutions & see if we’re a good fit to work together:)

Lot’s of love!

Kerly Saarkoppel

Self Love & Healing Life Coach

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